13 StepThe final step to recovery

I think I understand what you are saying. Talk to the mediator regarrding what the ground rules might be in those groups.

You should get with some of the folks that have been around for awhile, and maybe try to greet the newcomers.

I haven’t been to an AA meeting in a while, but all the ones I’ve been to always had an oldtimer sitting at each table for questions and such.

You could also bring it up at a meeting: like how you feel when you’re new, being careful, why getting a same sex sponsor is wise, or going to same sex meetings for the same reasons.

Just keep to yourself about that shit. Focus on your own recovery. Don’t worry too much about anything else. Remember, these ppl are horny b/c they are just coming off drugs and or alcohol. Maybe they want to be picked up. idk

Maybe you can talk with the chairman committee about these things. The best thing you can do is not encouarge this behavior and if your friends ask you about it tell them what you think. You are right in your answer. Most people in early recovery are not ready for relationships because they need to get their stuff together first.

Yea, it’s common in certain groups that have a majority of newcomers. I try to avoid those groups and attend the more serious groups where people are more concerned about sobriety that getting laid. Try staying away from inner city groups or Alano clubs and focus on the more dedicated groups. Find a good sponsor with long term sobriety who can show you the ropes. If you see this going on then just ignore it and don’t let yourself become a victim. I live in the Detroit area where allot of girls are prostitutes and heroine addicts who might very well be HIV positive. It’s not worth the risk and will only hinder your recovery. Statistics show that chances of relapse double when you get involved with another addict. If you are truly dedicated to sobriety you will concentrate on your own sobriety, surround yourself with people that have long term sobriety and ignore the rest.

There is something else you should think about. Maybe you are subconsciously seeking faults is the group, as these faults compile you will start to sell yourself on the theory that this just might not be the place for you. This is a step in the direction of relapse. Relapses don’t occur over night but are usually brought on by a series of events that eventually lead you back to using. Remember we are expert manipulators, even to own minds. Don’t fall victim to your own manipulation. Just a thought, talk to someone in your group with long term sobriety about you feelings.

the non existant 13th step is dangerous indeed! i have seen so many people start thinking with the wrong brain, the next thing you know-they are hooked up with somebody and you see them at meetings less & less, then you hear rumors about their relationship drama, then one or both of them end up using again. if they are lucky-they make it back to the rooms again (ass full of arrows etc.)

come on people, pull your heads out! there is a good solid reason (based in experience) why the old timers tell you to stay the hell out of relationships when you are new to recovery. a girlfriend/boyfriend is just another thing to obsess on. a relationship will not fix you! it just distracts you from your early recovery.

to all the damn chicken hawks hunting newbies in the meetings———–don’t let me catch ya doing it—i’ll get all the oldtimers to run down your inventory to every chick i see you chatting up.

to all newcomers!!!!!—-this is the way it works!!! ladies stick with the ladies–dudes stick with the dudes! the reason is that the ladies will help save your ass, the fellas (the sick selfish ones) just want to hump your ass.

part of recovery is to become a responsible, productive member of society. meetings are not singles bars!

I’d say speak your mind at the meeting most of my friends that 12 step and have admirable recovery would never do that. I also think it’s wrong and can every ones recovery could suffer.

I was a member of AA for nine years, saw the exact same thing, and was given the same sort of answer that you are getting from others here:

1. Report it to the group. Problem: response is to either do nothing or tell you to “take your own inventory”.

2. Remember that these people are in early recovery. Problem: 13th steppers very often ARE THE OLDTIMERS.

3. Have an oldtimer take them aside and talk to them. Problem: See no. 2.

4. Focus on your own recovery. Problem: 13th stepping affects my recovery, and ignoring it helps no one.

And so on.

The truth is that this is an enormous problem in NA and AA, so much so that it is beginning to become public knowledge. It appears that the structure and ideology of the groups is too entrenched to deal with it at any level.

What I did personally was to take my 9+ years of sobriety and leave. I am finding that life is much better, simpler and healthier outside the 12 step world.